Reality
by ErakorBridge
Summary: Sam has to face a decision, that only she can make. But can a young girl assist her in seeking solace. Extremely personal. The harsh reality of abortion. Seddie


Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly. A taboo subject extremely close to my heart.

The putrid smell of chemicals and cleaners permeated the air. To say she was not frightened would be a blatant lie… she was atrociously ashamed. She clutched herself in a mock attempt at self comfort… for she was alone in her endeavours at self preservation. Of course the others didn't know she was there or what she was about to do… she had snuck out like a thief rendered helpless by the seemingly perverse circumstance she had placed herself in, which for others would have seemed natural and a sheer blessing.

It was all planned… opposed to her very nature she had to cling on to things unexplained in herself. She had phoned the clinic, organised the procedure and found a way to and from her destination, all under the cover of night. For no woman ever wanted to be caught disposing of her own blunder.

It had all started off innocently enough; she had been accosted by his charms and boyish good looks. Not evaluating the severity of the situation she had yet to deem a relationship with the boy, she had naïvely fallen for his advances. Lulled by his simplistic maturity she was swayed by his mantras of sweet nothings and off-handed romance. She would always remember that night as one of pure joy yet severe stupidity.

The first sign, although rather unusual was the spotting. Exactly 10 days after the ponderous event with her panties down around her ankles, she observed with a curious bewilderment, discoloured patches staining the pure white cotton. The predicament was a peculiarity as the girl had completed her coarse 2 weeks prior. Far from any scheduled repercussion, laughing it off as another flaw that accompanied the curse of the woman, she dismissed it completely and continued on in her blasé state of blissful love.

One week later, as she found herself empting out the contents of her stomach, her mind rolled back to that not so unusual event. Shaking her head in a comical denial she patted her stomach in a deplorable way of self soothing

Another week passed, a week of constant bouts of nausea and vile passing's of fatigue… anxiety hardened in her gut as the one week mark beckoned her late period.

Her internal ravings of dismissal had ended with the impenetrable truth

_No... _She riled over and over again in her mind. It couldn't be possible.

They had been safe.

_No… it couldn't be_

In a state of frenzied panic she had plundered through the streets of her neighbour searching for the community convenience store. Acquiring "the test" she had crumpled behind the door of her apartment while absent-mindedly staring at the pink box which would verily determine her fate.

_First Response- Over 99 % Accurate_

_Tells you first… 6 days early_

Numbly opening the package, she observed the two plastic sticks, another bout of nausea washed over her. One she had become accustomed too. Anxiety.

8 Minutes later… two plastic sticks each with identical twin pink strips pointed accusingly at the girl, who was huddled in a mass heaps behind her bathroom door.

_Positive…_

_I'm pregnant…_

Frail from her recent findings she found herself calling the only person capable of coherent thought at that time

"Carly, it's Sam… I'm pregnant,"

The OB/GYN' s office was formulaic and sterile… landscape portraits of stunning flora and fauna gave no amount of solace to the petrified girl.

"Congratulation Miss Puckett, the test results came back positive. You are 6 weeks pregnant,"

Turning to her friend in pale contemplation, she shook her head.

"What can I do? I am only 18. Carly, Please tell me what to do?"

Her gaze settled on the obstetrician whose mock sympathy was not well hidden by his uncaring eyes.

"Miss Puckett have you considered some of the options surrounding unwanted pregnancies?" shocked by his blunt comment, her non-satirical friend spoke in pity to her friends waining nerves.

"I think she is well aware of the _options_," grasping her friends hand. Carly motioned her towards the door.

"We will be in touch,"

After weeks of musing over the situation, Sam had found confidence in the simple encouragements of her settled friend.

Standing before her mother was the most daunting experience of her life.

Her aged eyes stared wearily at her dubious child. Not only had she came far and gained numerous accreditations in her last year in school, she had also received a formidable scholarship to the infamous Harvard College to study pre- law. Her child was smart and she had a world of hope resting on her future success. However in the past hour she had learnt that her child was beyond her painted exterior.

_She had never been so disappointed._

"Is Freddie the father?"

"Yes, mother!" "He is the only person I've been with,"

"Have you told him?"

"Not yet,"

"Sam, I think he deserves to know,"

"I realise that mom,"

"Sam I really thought you were smarter than this, I am very disappointed in I still love you none the less and I will support you in raising this child," mortification rendered her speechless

"Raise the child," she repeated numbly

Amidst the painful blur of her circumstance she found ample support in her small group of friends and family… each spewing their own form of comfort. However she had yet to face the father, who she had been childishly shunning for the past two weeks.

"Sammy, what's wrong?"

Nibble fingers ran over her gaunt cheeks as she flushed with the impending truth.

"Why haven't you been answering my calls?"

"I've been busy. Will you sit down for a moment?" gulled at her complacency he obeyed her requested.

"Freddie… this is hard for me to say so please just hear me out," he paused at the unusual use of his name "that night we… you know," she blushed "well, I got pregnant,"

Watching his face pale and transition threw numerous shades of red brought the daunting feeling of dread once more to her gut.

"Pregnant" he rehearsed dumbly

"Yes," she barked back

"You're keeping it right," he immediately jumped out.

"Well, My mom and Carly want me to keep it, but …,"

"BUT, What?" he replied in reviled horror

"But I'm not sure if it's the best thing for me right now,"

"Best thing. What, don't I have a say in this?"

"Of course you do, but to be completely honest I thought you would want the same thing too," she mused

"No chance in hell! That's murder. Shit Sam,you know how I feel about family," she nodded as her reverie brought to mind his eccentric mother.

"Marry me?"

"What?" she paused "No… no I am definitely not marrying you, just because I am pregnant?"

"Fine then move in with me. Please Sam. Let me take care of you and the baby?"Cradling her head in his palm he run his thumb along her cheek bone "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I was scared… I,"

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yes…" she faired in sheer agitation.

A few months passed and her life much to her surprising displeasure had made a turn for the unusual. Her mother was doting, her best friend solely supporting and her boyfriend whimsical in childish fantasies of a happy life with her and the child.

She rubbed her taunt stomach that now held a slight firm roundness to it.

Due to the wishes of his and her own family had decided to post-pone her journey to college for one year. So she could raise the child in it's most impressionable year.

"One year off will do you no harm," they retorted.

However she was left detrimentally fazed by this change in freedom. No longer was she solely responsible for her own self but she was now in guardianship of a child she had yet to meet. She was left abounded in the pleas of those around her. She observed her dream as a blemish of her past naivety and her future responsibility. She was miserable. She was selfish.

He was ecstatic. Lovingly. Everything she would have desired in the right circumstance.

However she had had enough… this was not about them…it was about her.

Her body

Her future

Her…

And that is how she found herself 16 weeks pregnant… alone

Passing off her responsibility to youthful disclaimers

She was consenting to this with no prior acknowledgements from the founding members of her family and life. Who, if given the chance would be traumatised by her choice to abort the child.

He would be devastated

He didn't understand.

_Abortion_

What a simple word ridden with such a horrific connotation.

She observed the young women around her ... what shocked her most was the numerous 30-somethings that sat there with such ease as they awaited their trial period.

She rubbed her bully

_I'm sorry baby; I'm just not ready for you_

Briefly mourning, she attempted to dismiss the fetus to a simple clump of nerves and cells…

_Not a baby yet_ she repeated

The haunting clock read 12.45 am; no soul pondered their almost paganistic meeting.

That was until the door of the clinical protested to a new visitor.

She was a female blessed with an elegant stature; her features radiated a haunting beauty as dark blonde tresses framed her face. Rubbing her arms in a futile attempt at warmth her eyes locked with Sam's. Quickly averting her gaze, Sam blushed as she had been caught staring. Shaking her head in an amused response, the stranger turned to the receptionist.

Fiddling nervously with the magazine in her hand, Sam fidgeted as the young female took a seat beside her.

"Hello!"

"Hi," Sam breathed. It had occurred to her in the first half hour of her being at the clinic that no one spoke. Ever.

"I'm Charlotte or Charlie… my dad calls me that," she smiled

Looking at the offered hand as an almost offence, Sam took it with a hesitant shake

"Sam," she bemused coyly

"So, how old are you?" the girl continued dissuaded by the painful awkwardness.

"18,"

"Oh!" the silence drifted between the two.

Through her peripheral vision, Sam was once again flawed by the girl's she could stop herself she began "How old are you?"

"18 in the summer,"

"Wow, are you thinking about University?" she nervously twitched.

She laughed "I'm already there; I'm studying law at Brown,"

"Seriously, that's amazing, you're so young?"

"Yeah! I know, but I really love it. I really want to make a difference, if you know what I mean. Change the world.," she laughed ,"But really I want to make my mom happy"

Nodding her head Sam found herself resenting the girl's successes."I understand what you mean," pausing she twiddled her thumbs over her slightly swollen stomach "Does your mom know you're here?"

Smiling the girl shook her head "No," she stopped as the ghost of a smile graced her lips "but she will soon enough,"

Staring at the girl strangely, she hesitantly observed her eyes. She found herself reflected in their brown depths… _Freddie_

"Your eyes, there nice. Reminds me off pudding" the girl blushed.

"Thanks… compliments of my dad,"

"You must have an awesome Dad?"

She laughed in a deeper almost melodic voice "Yes, I definitely can't complain,"

"Sam Puckett. Could you please make your way to the front desk?"

Stifling the hardy breath she had taken over a subtle sob, Sam turned Charlie "Nice meeting you Kid!"

Charlie rose as Sam made her way to the desk "Wait! You know my Mom once told me, a child does not stop life… it begins a new and amazing one." A knowing smile graced Charlies lips as her brows laced playfully above her eyes.

"Sam Puckett," the speakers boomed as she turned from the girl.

"Thanks," she murmured

The next fifteen minutes meshed into a disheveled blur of large medical words, frozen figures and horrific images. However time abruptly came to a stand still as a faint thump evoked an array of unhinged emotions she did not realise she possessed.

"What is that?"

The nurse soothingly stroked her palm

"That's her heartbeat."

"It's a girl," Sam paused.

Frozen in place the reality of her current situation came down on her like a wall of cindered flames. No longer could she consider the child a lump of nerves that she had so readily condescended to be a problem. It was now a living, breathing entity. It was a girl

A baby girl.

Whose mother, the person it was reliant on to love and cherish, was about to dispose of.

She was appalled… horrified… disgusted.

She clutched her stomach in an immediate panic.

"I can't do this!" she screamed

The nurse coercively placed her back down

"You're not thinking straight, consider the benefits. You will be free to pursue your dreams,"

"But at what cost?" she screeched back. Wrenching her hands from the nurses, she peeled herself off the surgical bed.

"I am sorry, but I can't do this,"

Retreating the nurse nodded with a string of traumatic utterances. Bursting though the doors of the waiting room, she scanned threw the stunned faces of the begrudging women. She slightly panicked as the one face she sought did not appear.

Turning to the receptionist who stared at Sam in boredom "What love?"

"Has Charlie gone in yet?"

"Who?" she groaned in a bewildered distain

"Charlie, the tall blonde. 18 years old. She arrived about half an hour after me,"

Frowning she pushed her glasses closer to her face."I'm sorry love but I don't remember a Charlie," leaving the receptionist to sort through a large assortment of documents, she eyed a curious red head.

"Sorry to disturb you, but do you remember the young girl who sat next to me,"

The lady shook her head "No you were by yourself the entire time,"

"That can't be possible. She was there; I remember her face as clear as anything,"

"May be it was just your mind playing tricks on you. It's not unusual for things like that to happen in a place like this," the red head countered.

"No… I am positive she was here,"

She never did find the girl who had changed her perception of life so readily in that clinic…

For Sam she would eternally be a name and a striking face. As time rolled on her due date moved closer. She never did tell her family about the "almost night" as she liked to call it.

She, however would always be left with the guilt; the cost she assumed that would always stain her blemished reality of life.

As her baby grew the love it evoked rendered her incapable of distain, it was so impenetrable, it had become contagiously unhealthy.

Her relationship with Freddie had also changed dramatically.

Her frivolous nothingness for him had grown into a profound love.

Her family was nothing sort of wonderful. Surprisingly.

As for her dream… she realised with a purposed smiled, had not died but had rather changed and formed into a new more superb being. She could study. She could be whoever she wanted to be.

However she had a companion. One solely capable of love and devotion. Someone she could never imagine living without.

And on the 14th of February she gave life to that person. Enwrapped in a bundled of silken pink, her boyfriend handed her their daughter.

"Hello Charlotte Benson, I didn't think I'd ever see you again," smiling, she stroked her beautiful daughters face.

"I love you with everything that I am and I am so sorry I ever contemplated hurting you. I will make it up to you every, single day of your life,"

Fin…

Consider the cost, way them up; delve into the realm of impossibility. A child has a soul the moment it is conceived. Please, please I beg you; consider the cost before you take a child's life.

:)


End file.
